People are funny sometimes, especially when their points of view get turned on their heads. Example: when I, an obviously female-bodied person married to a straight man, declare my queerness. Confused expressions and interesting queries usually follow a statement like that!
In a light-hearted attempt to educate, here are some common questions I get asked about my (queer) marriage.
“Wait, what do you mean, ‘queer’?”
I mean I am hella not straight. I mean I can fall in love with a man or a woman or a non-binary genderqueer person (which would also describe me!) or a transman or a transwoman or really any consenting adult who I think is fancy. It just so happens that I fell in love with a straight dude. (See also: pansexuality)
“Does your husband know?”
No, of course not. I’ve told friends and family and strangers on the internet, but it somehow slipped my mind to tell my husband and best friend that he’s married to a weirdo.
All sarcasm aside, of course he knows; he’s the first person I talked to about it.
A better question to ask is…
“What does your husband think about this? Is he supportive?”
He is super supportive! He even thinks it’s cool. I married a very, very awesome human.*
“What does this mean for your marriage?”
It means that, as far as appearances go, things are the same. We’re not splitting up or something like that; our life and problems and relationship won’t change just because we know this thing about me.
That being said, we know this thing about me, and it’s given us a chance to be more open and to talk about certain things. As a result, I’ve learned new things about him! In all, it’s made our marriage an even closer, more intimate relationship.
“You’re not tempted to, ya’ know… cheat?”
No. The stereotype of the cheating bi/pansexual is, quite frankly, offensive, and I will not have it in my house, sir.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a handsome husband in the next room who wants to watch Star Trek.
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*The fact that not freaking out about being married to a queer person makes him awesome, though, is kind of sad in a way. Shouldn’t more people just be like that? Shouldn’t we be able to say, “Hey, my spouse is queer,” and have people go, “Ok, cool, whatever”? Yes, we should.